5 Reasons why glitter is better for you than drugs..

1- Its legal to talk about how many grams you’ve ordered in public- shady as hell guys, but totally legal. It is also far cheaper! The average street price of a gram of ket is roughly between £20/30 depending on which side of the north, south divide you fall on. Glitter? This shit is like £1 a gram?!


2- It’s a common and scientifically tested FACT: Glitter makes you fitter. Only a solid 5 on a good day? Slap it on and get your sparkle on- you’re guaranteed to become at least a solid 7 ½. Did I mention Glitter Beards? Most men go through the ‘beard phase’, at some point in their lives, some may not actually come out of it and give theirs up. But a simple solution to cure your facial hair woes could be to funk it up. Vaseline or gel, twirl it in their locks, smother the glitter in. Boom. One incredibly jazzy beard, and if your partner/friend hates cosmetics- they’ll soon rethink that beard.

Credit: Patsie Gorman

3- There’s no come down, with glitter you’re always on a high- it’s the upper that never stops upping… apart from when you get It in your eyes… word of warning: DON’T! But if you’re feeling a bit rough-  Glitter concealer is a thing, and it’s the stuff of gods. When your under eyes look like they’ve been dragged down by Satan himself, into the depths of the darkest hell- a bit of glitter could be your answer. Slay girl!


Credit: The Daily Mail

4 – Glittery appendages! Especially Glitter Tits. Need I say more? A classy way of showing off what yo’ mama gave you, and possibly campaigning that its your body, your rules! Glitter roots though, for that time of the month when your bank account is saying no- but your hair is saying ‘eww roots and grossness’, dab on a bit of gel, slather on the glitter- an arty way of covering up a multitude of sins.

5- Unlike hard core drugs, the prolonged use of glitter will not lead to your face mangling, rotting and half falling off. Jaundice and gaunt cheeks are not the one. But glittery ones, definitely are. It’s not the worst addiction in the world to have, sure when you rock up anywhere and open your bag, glitter will fall out. When you get laundry out of the wash, glitter will still be clinging to it. Your bed is now a sparkly paradise, you will never be able to remove it. And even after a shower, you’ll find it in your hair, or somewhere obscure on your body. But it’s a fun habit, and it’s one you’ll never regret.

Credit: Patsie Gorman



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